Champions League Final! Champions League Final! Champions League Final! We can hardly believe it's finally arrived, and we are more than a little grateful that we don't have to watch a Schalke 04-Real Madrid match. Instead, soccer fans will be treated to a clash of the two best teams in the world, and we fully expect the beautiful game to emerge from the mess of Wembley. We really can't decide who will win; the obvious technical superiority of Barcelona can be countered by the organization and home crowd of Manchester United, so the outcome is very much in doubt. The uncertainty surrounding the match does not daunt SportsOlogy.
We give you our predictions, and as a result you receive your Friday dose of incontrovertible truth. Here we go!
•Sergio Busquets will attempt to call Wayne Rooney a pig, then will fall down and writhe on the pitch.
•Wayne Rooney, for his part, will attempt to shave the Champions League trophy into his chest hair if he wins.
•Sir Alex Ferguson will try to ban Messi from the game.
•Shakira will appear on your television screen at least three times.
•Lionel Messi will do something that will necessitate your picking your eyeballs off the ground.
•Dimitar Berbatov will gaze enviously into Chicharito's eyes. If he can see them from the bench, that is.
•The losing team will blame the atrocious Wembley pitch.
•Pep Guardiola will wear nicer clothes than Sir Alex
Barcelona will beat Manchester United, 1-1 (5-4 on PKs), and Wayne Rooney will "celebrate" by paying a pricey "friend" thousands of dollars for an evenin.
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